whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I want a musical about memes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
