i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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