i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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