when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
