I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
