laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
