I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
