the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
