I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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