I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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