Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
