Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
