My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
