Only a mothe r could love this liver
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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