NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
