So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I believe in your delicious
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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