Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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