New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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