did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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