I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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