I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
PANTIES FOUND
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