Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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