Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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