Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
