what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
