you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
