youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need help removing her.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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