Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have post one night stand depression
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