During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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