I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize