I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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