im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
