I hate all girls vehemently.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
