I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
