I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
