yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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