the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
