i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
