I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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