He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
