How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
