He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is Oprah even human
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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