Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize