Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
