I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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