to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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