okay pat passed out under dana's car
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
