4 words: hood of his car
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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