I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize