I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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