I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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