Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
