went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
