At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
