It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
