508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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