we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
