I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
