I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
