Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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