Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
