New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
