i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize