laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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