Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fuck appropriateness.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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