Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
