Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
