maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
