Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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