Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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