so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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